Busy Busy Busy

I haven't been on here since the wedding I believe.  It's been a whirlwind this year after getting married I had to get my things together for Concordia. I'm currently in my first term and feeling a delightfully overwhelmed.

We have adjusted to married life very well.  Its very similar to the life we had before only now I have to remember to sign my new name :)! No, its more than that.  Now that we are married we are preparing (emotionally and financially) for the next steps in life like buying a home. 

We're talking a lot about having kids too and its more than just a general "at some point we want to have kids". Things like when do we want to start trying, how do we feel about certain things associated with parenting, and certain things associated with pregnancy and birth. 

We're not planning on it anytime soon. As far as a "plan" is concerned I can  guarantee any "plans" we have about having kids will be overridden by life in general. It is just good to know where we are about the subject and what we don't know so we know what we'll need to learn about when the time comes to take the next step :).

So right now, its just work, school, homework, and in rare cases seeing my hubby. He works nights and I've been working a lot of closing shifts. It means we don't get to see each other a lot because I leave for work before he is up and come home after he has left.

For anyone in cyberspace who is listening, that's a little about my life right now.

B

Interesting reflections about life reflections....

Just relived some interesting past moments with a new friend.  Its interesting looking back at it and explaining it to someone and how you tend to reflect on your life.  Now I'm reflection about those reflections...why do we do things like this? 

Why do people come to realizations about their life then analyze those? Typically, you do it when you're older or  only when they're reliving it with someone else? Maybe for me its a combination of both.

I think we're a highly social type of animal and this should come as no surprise to anyone.  We also have a tendency to hang on to "the good old days". 

I didn't feel that way about things though.  It was a more positive feeling of without these mistakes I wouldn't be here kind of feeling.  It wasn't a "missing the good old days" type feeling.

While I wish I had more time to hang out with and maintain the friendships I had in the "good old days" I have a great group of friends I love now.  Some of them are old friends I have known since high school (the good old days) but I had to let some go.

I wasn't always this positive about it or so casual about it. It really hurt when some of the people I was closest to drifted away. I kept trying but they kept drifting.

Now I just really love how things are.  I have an amazing husband, wonderful friends, and I'm pursuing a career I love.

While we're technically not where we want to end up-like we don't own a home yet because we're not ready for a home-we're happy with where things are and where we're going. Just signed a lease on the apartment we really like and in a few years maybe we'll be ready to get one.

Life Balance

When I first turned 25 I was excited. I was where I wanted to be.  I had, or was about to have, my bachelors degree in hand, was about to get married, and was lining up paperwork for Graduate school. 

As the big 25 has continued on my bachelors degree was hanging on the wall, I was married to the man I adore, and will be starting Concordia in about a week.

Still, I can't help but think about life and life balance. Is that what the big milestone birthdays do to a person? You think about the what am I doing in parts of life that isn't satisfying? So I had read, doesn't that always get people in trouble, about the areas of life balance and decided to see how they measure up.

The key to living your life to the fullest is balance. How can you live your life to the fullest if one or more areas of your life suffer? For example, maybe you are successful in your career. But will it matter if your family life is not happy? Or maybe you are a very knowledgeable person. But will it matter if your body is sick?
To live your life to the fullest, I believe there are five areas of life you need to develop in balance. Those five areas are spirituality, mind, body, relationship, and work. Here are the details:

1. SpiritualityThis area deals with your conscience, values, and principles: Already a trick question because this long definition ultimately deals with Religion of which I have none. As to the rest, however, I have plenty and plenty of opinions on them. I feel like my values and principles are incredibly important to me and have turned me into the person I am today.
2. Mind This area deals with your desire to learn: Of this I have a lot! I love to ask questions and learn new things. 
3. Body This one is kind of obvious and this one I don't feel like I have a good balance.  While I am eating better over the last few weeks I have slipped back into some bad eating habits lately.  I don't exercise at all and am often way too exhausted to do anything after work.  I am not happy with my body image at all and no excuses I've let the other areas of my live take over.
4. Relationship This area deals with your relationships with your family, friends, and colleagues: This is where I feel pretty solid.  I really love my husband, family, and friends. I however simply put up with my work colleagues.  They're younger and in a different stage of life than I am. I don't hate them, well not all of them as there are some I definitely cannot stand, nor do I with them 'ill-will'.  I am simply in a different phase of my life. 
5. Work This area deals with your career and achievements. This area of my life is 50/50.  I have had some highs in this part of my life, getting my BA on my way to my graduate degree for example.  And I've had a lot of lows. Right now is a low.  I am still stuck in a retail job with ugly uniforms, low pay, and zero respect. I can do so much better than this. It won't be long now though. I have something else on the horizon and I'm hoping that will shift the balance.
   
   
   It is interesting to see it written out.  Maybe this should become a birthday tradition. :).

Its been a while

I have been very busy, right now life is a little crazy.

I'm now married :)! It feels so good to be married.

I finished my bachelors degree in English and have been working on the entry requirements to Concordia.  There are a lot of them. They needed health information and interviews on top of the standard stuff, but I have registered for classes officially and will be starting class at the end of the month.

Work has been shitty. I do well in retail because I have a lot of patience and when my patience deserts me I can hold back the urge that makes me want to smack the customer.  I have a new opportunity on the horizon, I will be babysitting FT for a close friend of mine.

It won't pay as much as my current job would when they dole out the hours.  But, they only do that for a few months outta the year and even then its only marginally more than what I would make as a babysitter. I would rather work in a job I enjoy and have fun with.

So life right now is preparing for new school and holding on to this new job that I am UBER excited about.

I also have been going over and over in my head about a book but I have no idea what its going to be about really.  I have all but written the first page in my head. Except I'm apprehensive about starting a book when I don't know where it is going. That is the anal factor in me.  I really need to get over that because I think it could be really good.  I'll keep people updated :)!

Love-B

School Drama

So I had a snag with school a few months ago. You have to apply for graduation two terms in advance. I had to delay it because I was unemployed and had to drop out for a term in 2010. They told me to delay it to the deadline which was summer 2011 term.  I ended up graduating earlier than expected and was lucky enough to be able to move my graduation date up to make me eligible to apply for graduate school this year, so phew right?

Not so much. So I still owe money on this term and because of that they will not release my transcripts. It will get paid in about a month.  The problem isn't paying it, it's being able to pay it now.  I'm talking to Concordia in hopes there is something I can do to get it released or get conditional acceptance or if there are some other alternatives. 

That's the bad news, the silver lining is I have a back up plan. Whether or not I got into Concordia I was going to get my CRP/First Aid Cert which most child related jobs require and get into a job working with kids for experience.  If I don't get in, I can work FT, get some experience and then go back to school next year in the FT program. I would still graduate at the same time but I wouldn't be working during that year.

Just focus on school and get it all done. So it isn't completely a waste, there is a back up plan but it would be nice to not have to use it lol.

Arts and crafts :)

I have always been a big fan of doing artsy craftsy things and have become a fan of scrapbooking.  I like to keep little things, like the plane tickets when we went on vacation or like the ones I kept from going to the top of the space needle in Seattle.  So I started one for the wedding, its mostly bare for now because I've only got the planning stuff in it.







My dress and some of the accessories I looked at!



Page for our mani/pedi-should be cute pics :)



For honeymoon stuff like our tix to maui :)





From the day we got engaged.



Hi Blog-miss me and blast past from the past

It has been a while since I have written anything in here.  Just as well, I'm not sure whether or not anyone is really listening.  Who knows, I probably write this more for my own catharsis than for any real audience. 

I had a major blast from the past today.  I was on facebook, where I spend too much of my time, and I had some friend suggestions. You know, the bar of faces over on the edge of facebook saying, maybe you know these people? Usually they're just some odd compilation of your  friends coworkers, your friends assorted family members, or maybe they went to the same high school you did but three years behind.

Anyway, one of those faces/names was my ex boyfriend/first love from high school! I must admit, at first I laughed a little, like wow facebook got one right! Someone I actually know.  I haven't thought about him in a few years.  I don't say that to be mean of course-its just reality.  We dated in high school close to 7-8 years ago when I was a junior (?) so hey can you blame me? I gotta admit, he is still a little hottie lo (Adam-I love you honey ;)!). Its kind of interesting I can say that now with awkwardness or embarassment-although he might be embarassed (so if he ever reads this sorry! lol). 

I think having a blast from the past can make us regress and miss the 'old days'.  But it didn't feel like that (too much), ya we had a lot of the "where are they now" conversation-job, family, life in general but I didn't feel like I missed who I was/what I did then.  More of a fond remembering of the person I was then and how I've changed or stayed the same.

Maybe nostalgic is a better word? It was too easy for me to think of my libido driven, over-emotional teenage self as a piece of the puzzle that is me and that moment in my life with "first love" is just a piece of the whole.  As was the writing bad poetry and watching cheesey movies.  To be fair, I still watch cheesey movies but the poetry has improved some :) (I think/hope).

Has anyone else had this happen? Mine was triggered by a blast from the past but I think its also because I'm hitting some interesting milestones this year.  Just a reflection on how you've changed, who you were "then and now", what brought yours on? Was it a calm reflection, an interesting musing, or a total freak out, lol?

Mine is the first two and with absolute clarity not at all a freak out.  I have never been more set or happy in my path than I have been.  I feel like I have always been pretty sure of myself and what I'm doing and where I'm going in the future (in days, months, or years) and if I don't its usually pretty obvious to me-I feel it.  But I feel even more secure of myself now and I'm really excited for the parts I haven't gotten too yet :).

That was me, hoping no one is sitting at their computer screen gagging.  I could make something up and spin some made for tv lifetime movie about how lost I feel and maybe my ex is cropping up because hes who I meant to be with.  Lets see I'd be played by Sarah Chalke-shes awesomely neurotic and totally bubbly (maybe we'd need to add a dash of cynical to her though) and I think she'd look good with my auburn locks :p. But it'd play out more like, I'd have an amazing boyfriend and right before he propses I meet my first love after years and years and I deny the proposal because after all my first love out of nowheres gotta mean something right? So I play it out with him and then I realize, OH NO, the amazing boyfriend was the one for me and I was just confused and mixed up and trying to find myself and I beg him to take me back.  So lets skip all the drama and go straight to the happily ever after part :) <3.

B

Life as I know it

Very busy for a while.  I graduate (in theory-it won't be official on paper for a while), apply for graduate school, turn 25, get married, and then the honeymoon that is just until July. I start graduate school in August!

Why is it that sometimes it feels great to be busy and othertimes you just feel so tired?  Sometimes it feels great because it makes that free time that much more special but most of the time I just feel exhausted and stressed out. 

Adams been pitching in a little more around the apartment which has helped keep me relaxed. I haven't had much time to do much around here. I keep the animals fed, happy, and played with lol. I can look past the laundry but those little faces follow me around-sometimes literally lol.

Well, I am tired and as I talk about this the clock is creeping past 9:30p, snooze time.

B

A letter to my representative

In response to a new piece of legislation I wrote to my representative as a step toward opening some eyes and ears.  I hope this encourages and moves you to write to your representative if you are also concerned about this issue. For that matter you should discuss with your representative any issues that you are concerned with.

__________________________________

I am concerned with a piece of legislation in discussion, HR 669.  The general consensus from animal lovers across the united states is that this code, with its current somewhat ambiguous wording, could result in many pet owners leaving the country to protect what they consider to be family. Or worse yet, domesticated animals being euthanized or set free to fend for themselves in the wild.

The animal in particular I am concerned with, as well as many animal lovers, is ferrets.  I did read that animals that are "established" enough and in too great of number would not be a concern of this invasive species act. However, the amount of misunderstanding regarding ferrets, their great number, and lets face it the refusal too or inability to listen to the pleas of the people attempting to correct these problems could produce a horrible result.

According to the California Department of Fish and Game and a study they published (http://www.dfg.ca.gov/wildlife/nongame/nuis_exo/ferret/ferret.html), though the research had varying numbers, the ferret population was as low as 5 million but as high as 10 million through the mid to late 90's. I chose this particular study as California has been one of the most vocal and known states that have made ferrets illegal as pets. The study states that while the numbers vary they did conclude that there was a significant increase in the ferret population from the mid to late nineties.

I would also like to address the supposed "violent nature" of ferrets. Many articles I have researched include the same statistics discovered in 2003, which are as follows "Dog bites make up 80-85% of all reported incidents. Cats account for about 10% of reported bites, and other animals (including hamsters, ferrets, rabbits, horses, raccoons, bats, skunks, and monkeys) make up the remaining 5-10%." If you divide the percent of bites equally among the 8 species listed here ferrets would be responsible for .4%-.8% of animal bites.

Thank you for your time and I encourage you to share this information with the other legislators involved in this process as I will be sharing it with fellow Americans.  I will also be encouraging them to contact you and their respective representatives until our voice is heard.

With Gratitude,

Brandie Hardman

Redefining Rape

So the house wants to pass a bill that would redefine rape and may ultimately force women to carry a rape pregnancy to full term.

If a rape wasn't considered "violent" or "forced" then the government will not provide financial support for an abortion, this also includes if you were drugged or a victim of incest.  So if you're insurance does not cover or in some cases you are taxes on the insurance cost and the costs are just too high you are forced to carry this pregnancy to full term.

I'm trying to avoid ranting and maintain a logical well thought out argument against this and state; this is *not* a pro-life pro-choice debate. This is not about whether or not abortion is *ok*.

So issue number one;

--Where do you define the line between "coercion" and "forced" rape?
Does she have to be beaten to a certain extent for it to be forced? And where is *that* line?  If someone holds a gun to my head but does not beat me, am I supposed to risk death to fight him? And if I don't and get pregnant the government is saying I'm on my own with the costs if my insurance won't cover it or if the tax (yes some insurance tax you on it) is too expensive.

--Incest is no longer an exception; People who are victims of incest will no longer qualify for assistance if it results in a pregnancy. It goes without saying but I'll say it anyway, children of incest are unhealthy.  Not to mention the mothers emotional instability while having to carry this pregnancy to full term-what encourages this mother to take care of herself and the growing baby inside of her?

--Increase in back alley abortions; women have a history of being hurt or dying in back alley abortions.  Women who do not want to carry these infants to full term will find a way to abort the pregnancy regardless of the side effects on their own health.  Lets remember these women are emotionally unstable due to a life altering crime and anything is possible.

--If these women do carry the child to full term; if they carry because they cannot get assistance it means they have limited or no health care.  From a logical (but somewhat cold-forgive me) position-these women will need government assistance to remain healthy during the pregnancy. Isn't this potentially more expensive than the abortion?

--If these women carry and place the child in adoption or foster or keep the child temporarily until one of these other options are available; again the cost of the pregnancy now combined with state assistance for foster parents, adoptive parents and the agencies involved in these processes.

--This also creates other social issues like; it could imply that women who did not or were incapable of fighting their attacker were somehow  "asking for it" or that they are somehow "less" of a victim.  Will this change peoples feelings about rape during trials against attackers?

B

Ferret Attack?!

So there has been a sensational scandal roaming the interwebs recently regarding a ferret who allegedly removed seven fingers from a sleeping infant some have responded the way this journalist has; http://www.oregonlive.com/pets/index.ssf/2011/01/ferrets_shouldnt_get_a_bad_rep.html . Others have responded this way; http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/6213760/ferret_attacks_baby_in_grain_valley.html?cat=53

1)The ferret allegedly (reports of the necropsy have not been released yet) bit off seven fingers before the baby cried out in pain and/or the parents could retrieve the baby.  If you have ever seen the mouth of the ferret it is incredibly small, its ability to pull away and eat that much flesh before the baby cried out in pain and/or the parent responded would be next to impossible.  From an unbiased POV if the ferret is responsible for this, the question still stands, how long did this baby actually cry before a parent responded? Reports state that the mother who was watching TV and supposedly keeping an eye on the child had fallen asleep.  The father had gone into the bedroom to take a nap.  Also, if you have read at least one article on ferret care it specifies that ferrets should not be left out unsupervised and especially around small children. 

2)Ferrets do not attack unless provoked or neglected (any article on ferret care will tell you this too).  If they are neglected or abused you are looking at animal abuse.  An animal cannot be blamed for its behavior much like dogs who attack when provoked (or abused)and you should punish the deed not the whole species. 

A re-homing of the pet, taking it to a shelter, or humane society  would have been more appropriate.  When a dog bites/injures a child it is either given up (if no behavioral problems exist) or if deemed a dangerous animal is euthanized.  Why wasn't this ferret awarded this same decency (if you read the article the owners threw the ferret against a wall)?

3)First and foremost regardless of the ferrets guilt or innocence, the question, where were the parents should be on the tip of everyone's tongue. Ultimately when something (understandably and rightfully) horrible happens to a child people blame, violent movies/games/tv/society/in this case a whole species-labeled it as "aggressive".  Parents are the first and last step in keeping children safe and healthy.

Now that is done I do believe that a ferret could not have done this. Not just because I have three but because a ferret is literally too small to have done that kind of damage in a short amount of time. 

Please feel free to rebut in a intellectual respectful way if you would like :)!

Writing assignment

I had to do this as a writing assignment, it turned out to be a lot more than I bargained for.  I wanted to share it. I tried to fix any weird formatting mishaps when I copied and pasted it, sorry if I missed any that makes it odd to read.
_______

Break in the Clouds

      What am I willing to live for? A paradoxical war is waging in the pit of my stomach. I am panicky and petrified to answer the question. What am I most afraid of, knowing the answer or the process of self-discovery to retrieve it? It is the answer and conquering of it that is forcing me forward. I have not lived much life, yet and I am being asked to catalogue it, compartmentalize it in order of importance and on the surface I am resentful. Deep in me, I want to know. I find myself overwhelmed at the idea but the only way to start is to start at the beginning.
        The beach. I live for the beach. In the winter, it’s the wet slap of cold wind to the face when you step onto the sand. The thousand needles of sand and rain assault your skin. Your hair is whipped and tangled. Sand under your feet dissolves and the picks it up, swirls it, then deposits it a few feet over, a few miles over but it is one of nature’s secrets. The beach is riddled with them, the shells hiding beneath the sand. You can hear the birds nestled for warmth in the reeds but you cannot see them. Two lovers walk hand-in-hand and disappear into the tall grass with secret smiles only for each other. They know the grass will protect them-Mother Nature will shield them. The sky and the water are gray, churning, tortured. Your bare feet tingle in the arctic surf. Waves are violent and crash with a thunderous boom on the sand, pulling itself back into the abyss. The surf ripping at your feet that threatens to take you, daring you to defy it. Storms rage against the open space on the beach. They bruise, slowly shedding the paint from the nearby houses that intrude. The salt of the sea spray devour the timbers and clapboard shields of the home.
           In the summer, the beach smells of sea and sunscreen. The wind is softer, sweeter, and murmurs in the tall grass that smells like an aged book left on a shelf to collect dust. You accept the surfs daring invitation. Jumping in the waves you let the cold seep in. You retire to a brightly colored striped towel, your feet caked in the searing hot sand. The muscles are sluggish from the cold and the sun reawakens them. You close your eyes and let the shadows dance behind your eyelids while you feel the warmth seep into your skin, Nature’s blanket. Sink into the sand, it becomes a cradle for your body. In the winter the waves rumble but in the summer they whisper. They brush against the sand with a distant hum. Is it the sluggish cold, the blanket of warmth, or distant hum of the ocean that creates stillness in the body? The body is still-but it remembers. It knows the movement in the ocean and I still feel the gently rocking motion on the sand. The body does not forget, the lovers do not forget.
           The beach is a sacred place for my family and me. A few years ago my family and I got a call that we were not expecting. My grandpa had been diagnosed with emphysema. He had been a long time smoker. He came to visit a couple of months later. We were all sitting around a table at a mutual family member’s home. I was so scared. He was smoking cigarettes and huffing on oxygen. Right then the family knew he was headed somewhere terrible and fast. We got the call we were expecting, he had been diagnosed with lung cancer. I was in agony. My Grandpa and I had a special relationship. It was never something we acknowledged or was at the surface of our relationship, it was just there. My parents went down to visit a few times to be with him. Each time they saw he was getting worse but were afraid to say it. Grandpa, being the stubborn man he is, said he was told he had at least a year. We were all preparing to say goodbye. My dad was having a hard time watching his own father have life slowly pulled from him. That is when my mom decided to take him to the beach. It was in the winter. I imagine them on the beach, the wet wind slapping their face, walking hand in hand into the tall grass with secret smiles just for each other. In the pit of my stomach I knew something was wrong. I got the call I had been dreading. Only months after he said he had about a year he was found on the floor in his bedroom. He was alone; his maid found him, his wife at the time abandoned him for the night. This is the first time I have really discussed this with anyone. It would be difficult to explain why I live for the beach without revealing this. He spent most of the day in the hospital. The call came from my mom. She and my dad were still at the beach. She didn’t have to say much but I knew.
         They were coming home. I met them at home. My mom told me that after they got the call my dad was looking out the hotel window, I can almost see the hotel-it mimics every hotel on the coast with reprints of the ocean and lighthouses only a cheap representation of what is outside your door. Looking out the hotel window he was watching the gray waves mirror the sky. Watching them crash along the shore. A storm had just broken leaving the water and sky looking tormented mirroring the agony my dad must be feeling. He saw a break in the clouds. A break in the clouds when the sky is gray is something quite magical isn’t it? The gray lights up and casts a magically eerie glow. The light shines brightest at the edge of the opening. A sphere of light illuminates the water below. There is a mirror of light and dark, a patch of blue surrounded by gray, nothing short of spiritual. I cannot deny that I feel something akin to faith. Can you deny a God lives here? Poseidon, Allah, God, Buddah? It is enough to know something is there. My dad watched this shaft of light; “that’s my dad, he’s up there” he said.              
          Every time I see a break in the clouds I remember.  The first time I went back after his passing was difficult for me.  I had always loved the beach; I have always felt something there.  This was the first time I had felt that faith.  I was weighed down and resistant to this feeling that was invading me, that had my stomach churning.  Then I saw a break in the clouds and felt a sense of peace wash over me.  I accepted that Nature cannot only be beautiful, peaceful, a playground, but it can be your church and it can be your faith.  At the beach, more than any other place in Nature, I have this feeling.  While I feel it in the deep damp shadowed forest the ocean continues to tug at me.  It draws me.  There, more than anywhere, I remember, “[S]He’s there”. 

Regards to Mark Twain

Let me give this interesting rants some context.  I am studying Mark Twain Letters from this Earth where he takes the opportunity to poke some fun in the face of religion.  I felt inspired. 

Dear God,

Is it your plan to allow us to savagely destroy each other? Will you begin again to create a new world with “good” people, third times the charm.  The grease stains of the earth are your most important tools in this plan.  They ooze and spread into every corner and every fiber.  They will not discriminate and do not care who is left behind when the final judgment comes.

The murderer, the robber, the sociopath, and the businessman do not care if you are black, white, purple, or a smurf.  They concern themselves with the grit they must dig out of their shoe after they have crushed you beneath it.  Poor smurf.

Now it is not to say that I am not grateful for some of the finer things in life; I am particularly fond of many of your four legged creatures but I could live without some of them.  Mosquitoes are a particular annoyance of mine, the noxious little bloodsuckers.

I know you are a busy man, or woman, being omnipotent and all and I hope this finds you well (does God take sick days?), so long and thanks for all the fish.

X’s and O’s
B